Review: "A Tale of Two Princes" by Eric Geron

 

A Tale of Two Princes by Eric Geron
Published January 2023 via Inkyard Press
★★

Two boys: One is first in line for the Canadian throne, and the other is first in line to take over the family ranch in Montana. But they're in for some upheaval, because it turns out that the Montana cowboy is actually the twin of the Canadian prince...the older twin.

Now...I think this was going for something along the lines of American Royals, but with gay twins as the leads. And I'm here for that! But it landed somewhere closer to The Princess Problem, and I'm...less here for that.

Billy: I'm not sure about it either. I'm supposed to be crown prince? And I only have about two weeks to prepare? I don't think I'm qualified.

Edward: Certainly not. It's...interesting...that I have a new brother and all, but a glorified maple ranch hand? And one who's older than I am?

The king: Now, now. Just because we didn't know your brother existed until now doesn't mean that he isn't far more important than you are. Run along.

Edward: Wait...but...I've been training my whole maple life for this.

The queen: We know, dear. But didn't you hear your father? You're just the maple spare now. You don't matter.

Pax: Oh my goddddddd honey! We're going to New York! I'm sooooo glad you get to take your bestie along!

Billy: Wait, New York? I thought I was a prince of Canada. We're not going to, like Ottawa? Or Toronto?

The king: Of course not. Why the maple would we spend time there? As Canadian royals, we conduct our business from New York. Obviously. We don't actually know anything about Canada.

Edward: We do know about hockey, Nanaimo bars, and French! And maple syrup, of course.

Billy: Uh, okay, I guess. Hey, it's not going to be a big problem if I don't get everything exactly right, is it? Since I'm new and all.

The king: All we care about is what the maple tabloids are saying. If you can't please the tabloids—

The queen: —the monarchy will fall, and it will be all your fault.

The king: But we're sure you're up to the task of learning fluent French, acing a PhD-level exam on the history of our maple monarchy, memorizing the names and statistics of every member of Canada's seven national hockey teams, maintaining a 4.0, and putting in at least 80 hours of volunteering and charitable events.

The queen: You have two weeks to get all that done. Your brother will help, since he has nothing better to do now. He might not even try to stab you in the back! And don't forget to smile for the cameras—oh. Not like that, dear. Smile like you mean it.

Pax: It's okay, honey! I am an authentic ray of maple sunshine and I can teach you everything you need to know about smiling with authenticity!

Edward: I swoon for that authenticity. I'm okay with giving up the maple crown if I can bask in that glow.

Billy: What's with all the maple? It can't just be the maple syrup.

Edward: It's our national symbol, obviously. And one of the only things we know about our country. And the word appears approximately 213 times in the book, so it seemed important to get it into this review about as many times.

Here are the other 202 uses: maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple crown maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple leaf maple maple maple maple maple maple butter maple maple maple maple maple maple maple syrup maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple print maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple online maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple underwear maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple bacon maple maple maple maple maple maple tree maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple sugar maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple maple