Review: "The Definition of Beautiful" by Charlotte Bellows

The Definition of Beautiful by Charlotte Bellows
Published September 2023 via Freehand Books
★★★

Bellows was in Grade 9 when the pandemic shut the world down. With time to spare, she set about trying to lose some weight—and, in the privacy of a world removed from everyone else, but with seemingly half the Internet determined to lose lockdown weight, a diet spiralled into an eating disorder.

I'm intrigued by this as something of a pandemic memoir. It's not at all the focus, but I've read enough articles talking about the impact of the pandemic on mental health, and on eating disorders more specifically, that this feels like the beginning of what might be a wave of memoirs about that. At one point Bellows' therapist observes that "The timing really is awful ... You have an eating disorder during a global pandemic. Normally, as part of the healing process, you would reconnect with teenage life. But now, with all these restrictions, you're stuck in a tricky situation" (loc. 792*). Isolation exacerbated by isolation, I suppose.

Bellows wrote The Definition of Beautiful while coming out of that eating disorder—and out of the more restrictive pandemic regulations—and while still a teenager. It's not entirely unique for that latter point, but this particular book is a truly impressive feat for a teenager. Writing a good story or essay is one thing, but managing a full-length book is another thing for anyone, let alone a teenager, and Bellows does an excellent job with pacing in particular, and with to-the-point but fully realized scenes. There are some places where I think age might help (more on that in a moment), but on the whole this puts a lot of adult-written memoirs to shame. (One of my primary thoughts while reading was This is clearly someone who reads a lot, which is always a good feeling.)

Two things that didn't work as well for me: First, a fair amount of the book takes place in Bellows' dreams, in a place she calls the Deep, which I'm not particularly keen on. I'm not actually sure if it's all actual (lucid?) dreams she had or more of a literary device to illustrate where one's mind tends to live during an eating disorder, but whether fiction of nonfiction dreams have always felt too intangible to hold my focus when reading. (Personal preference and your mileage may vary.) And second, at times—especially early on in the book—word choices and phrasing tilted a bit far towards angst. The book makes up for it in taking a clear-eyed (and almost numbers-free) look at the experience of illness and recovery, but that's really the one thing where I think time and distance would be a benefit.

Here's hoping that Bellows keeps writing. It'll be interesting to see where she goes with it, either fiction or nonfiction.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.

*I read an ARC, and quotes may not be final.