Review: "If Only" by Vigdis Hjorth

If Only by Vigdis Hjorth, translated from the Norwegian by Charlotte Barslund
English translation published September 2024 via Verso
★★★★

Ida has found her true love—if only Arnold would realize it. She writes letters and makes phone calls, and they meet up to have sex and drink beer, and then she goes back to her husband and he goes back to his wife and she writes more letters and makes more phone calls and dreams of the dizzying possibility of being with Arnold forever. She can't sleep can't eat can't stop talking about Arnold can't understand why he pushes her away can't imagine a life without him.

And then the relationship changes, and things get interesting.

It took me far longer than I expected to read the first half or so of the book—Ida's obsession and desperation are hard to bear. She is so ready to throw away almost everything in her life; not her children, perhaps, but they are relegated to "the children" throughout the book, with no need for names or personalities or dialogue. It is Arnold, Arnold, always Arnold.

When the dynamics shift, we see even more how...well...worthless Arnold is. Boorish and beery, paranoid and jealous and self-centered. Ida sees this too, sometimes; she mollifies and apologizes and changes her behavior and loses sleep and says yes, yes, yes. She forgets what no is, forgets that she once had worth outside this obsessive, codependent, toxic spiral the two of them find themselves in. (Part of me thinks get out, get out, good grief, Ida, take a look around you and part of me thinks well, they deserve each other. Mostly the former, to be fair, but the latter is persistent.)

It's not a pleasant read, and frankly I understand why reviews are so polarized—their dysfunction goes on and on, always unraveling but never quite far enough for respite. I ultimately decided to find it fascinating in that can't-look-away kind of way, but you absolutely have to be in the frame of mind to read about a toxic relationship (one reason it took me so long to finish the book) to find satisfaction here. I'm curious to know what Norwegian critics made of the book when it was first released in 2001.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.